tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15956632011-04-21T17:05:40.705-07:00blasphemous noize<font size="-2">
Current geographical location:<br>
Paris, France<br>
<br>
Wearing:<br>
khaki cutoffs, black tee<br><br>
Mood:<br>Content<br><br>
Hair:<br> two tone dreads<br><br>
Wanting:<br>
sleep<br><br>
Missing:<br>
Hobbes<br><br>
Looking forward to:<br>
HARDKORE next weekend<br><br>
Quote:<br>"Guys our age don't want girls like us. They want nyphos, not girls." (G) "Ok. So why don't they want Cat?" (M)<br><br>
<a href="http://www.envy.nu/serenedream">Bubble</a>estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comBlogger681100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-1153441249804065072006-07-20T17:15:00.001-07:002006-07-20T17:20:49.806-07:00It's been almost 5 years since I've written anything in this blog.Things haven't really changed.I still do too many drugs. I still party like there's no tomorrow. I don't live in Paris anymore, and I'm not a teenage whore anymore. I'm a 22 year old drug addict/alcoholic with no diploma, no job.At least now I have an apartment, which is more than I can say for years 2001-2004, when I didn't.A lot estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-1153441216284076132006-07-20T17:15:00.000-07:002006-07-20T17:20:16.296-07:00It's been almost 5 years since I've written anything in this blog.Things haven't really changed.I still do too many drugs. I still party like there's no tomorrow. I don't live in Paris anymore, and I'm not a teenage whore anymore. I'm a 22 year old drug addict/alcoholic with no diploma, no job.At least now I have an apartment, which is more than I can say for years 2001-2004, when I didn't.A lot estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-64036872001-10-17T05:35:00.000-07:002001-10-17T05:37:20.000-07:00
tee hee hee. That's sluttier than 95% of the population. There could be a problem.
I'm siiiiiiick. Bleargh.
estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-63565552001-10-15T11:04:00.000-07:002001-10-15T11:09:29.000-07:00
Okayyyyyyy.
That made my day.?
Bassadonf was fun. We ran all over Paris between 10 and 12, going to various people's houses to collect things, info and people. Had to run all the way to Gare du Nord from Quai de la Gare so we wouldn't miss the last train. Got on the platform and there were 4 or 5 other peeps who were headed where we were.
In the train we were warned by a guy who lived where we estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-61675112001-10-07T04:44:00.000-07:002001-10-07T04:44:13.793-07:00I ended up spending my Saturday night at Arthur's. Angel and Bim left around 1, and the others left around 4:30. Arthur and I continued our conversations until 7 this morning, and it had been a long time since I'd sat around with one of my buddies and chatted. It was a good thing, I mean I can't spend all my weekends running around with my over excited girlfriends, going to sound systems and clubestrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-60576072001-10-02T07:54:00.000-07:002001-10-02T07:54:08.886-07:00Back to school and I'm feeling like a mess.
I'm tired because I'm restless, I can't sleep. When I do sleep, though, it's only a couple hours at a time,
and I feel like my inner battery isn't fully charged. Impossible to take notes in French class, my teacher doesn't really give us a proper lesson, and doesn't teach us the proper methodology to analyse our texts, so we're all going to be fucked estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-60098772001-09-30T05:34:00.000-07:002001-09-30T05:34:39.250-07:00Divan du Monde night was good, I danced for a couple hours straight without even flinching, with nothing other than a bit of alcohol and lots of energy to fuel me. Stumbled into detention half awake, half dreaming, and everyone just kind of laughed at me, because they know me so they figured I must've been out partying or something.
Saw Julien yesterday afternoon/evening, I don't know how it wentestrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-59810482001-09-28T13:28:00.000-07:002001-09-28T13:28:18.610-07:00Sound System tonight at the Divan du Monde, accompanied by the always lovely Angel and Mela. Will the boys tag along eventually? Who knows.
Dad gets back tonight, with a visitor from Eastern Turkestan (Xinjiang autonmous province in China, populated by a turkic people called the Uyghur)... this should be interesting, to say the least. I for one am looking forward to the culture shock.
I can't estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-59548922001-09-27T10:12:00.000-07:002001-09-27T22:15:49.000-07:00So now that I've come back down from my little sugar high (must love girly moments) and that I have settled back into myself again, I can see things from a better perspective.
First of all, I feel no different than usual.
Second of all, I'm not used to signs of affection coming from strange beings (ie not my parents).
Third... hmm. It's just strange. It's going to take some getting used to.
But estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-59312992001-09-26T10:06:00.000-07:002001-09-27T22:18:56.000-07:00Okay... so the long, grueling wait is over.
He came.
I am no longer a single femme fatale.
I am sad. But then again... well, is that a problem? I've been pretty much alone for over a year and a half (Karim exempted, as I've said before) so maybe I should just let myself live a bit. Oh wow. I'm so excited. So happy, I could do cartwheels!!!.. that is, if I knew how. I have never felt so young andestrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-59271502001-09-26T06:03:00.000-07:002001-09-26T10:07:48.000-07:00I'm nervous. Mr. Man-of-my-distorted-dreams may come get me at 6... I don't know if I'm going to jump on him or breeze out of class, looking jaded and calm, cigarette in one hand and knapsack in the other...
Either way... shall I make it look like I didn't see him and wait for him to come over and jump my tired bones or should I be the amazone and pull him into the nearest bistro restroom?
In 3 estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-58840472001-09-24T10:41:00.000-07:002001-09-27T22:21:12.000-07:00I didn't get up for school this morning. I coughed all night, knew I had a fever (the whole delirious mid-sleeping mid-dreaming but conscious state tends to justify it) and turned off my alarm. There was no way I was going to an eight o'clock class with four hours of sleep behind me, plus the fact that I'm pretty
sick. And through the horrible illness, I still manage to go to school.
At least I estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-58627232001-09-23T10:03:00.000-07:002001-09-27T22:17:57.000-07:00I am feeling particularly miserable today.
Ì am feeling.. unloved... alone.. and sick. Very very sick.
I miss... I don't know.. having someone around.
Even Karim. Karim treated me like a queen, when he wanted to. He made me feel wanted, for once, and made me feel loved, although I know he never loved me. I didn't love him, either, but that's a whole different story. A whole different blog... wheeestrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-58591642001-09-23T03:26:00.000-07:002001-09-27T22:24:48.000-07:00I would like my mother to LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.
She has been a constant cause of hate, rage, angst and sadness in my life, and she doesn't seem to understand that by harassing me via e-mail to tell me what a horrible person I am that it doesn't affect me. All I can think is.. "Pathetic woman, is this what your life has come to? Serves you right for
abandoning me in order to keep your estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-57634782001-09-18T11:10:00.000-07:002001-09-18T11:10:20.936-07:00I posted something about the terrorist attacks but blogger ate my post, and I do not wish to rewrite that little post.
However, I can offer a few angered words.
I am in Europe, and sometimes I wonder how reliable our information is. On television we see propaganda, the same bloody
images over and over, and the news has now become an hour of nothing more than information concerning the States.
estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-56193232001-09-11T12:12:00.000-07:002001-09-11T12:16:24.000-07:00I would just like to say that I am deeply disturbed and upset over the terrorist attacks that occured this
afternoon (morning for Americans). I hope that these attacks are not repeated, and that the culprits will be found (and that they will not be, as everyone suspects, islamic).
However, I pray that this is the end, and not a beginning.
I do not want to live through a world war. I do not wantestrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-55216722001-09-06T11:27:00.000-07:002001-09-06T11:27:03.150-07:00School has started up again and I'm petrified.
Tomorrow is Friday and I can't even rejoice about the fact that it's the weekend.
I forgot my underwear in Spain, Pulpi wrote to tell me. Ummm.. thanks?
Kenza is no longer coming to Paris, Seb's going to be 21 next Tuesday and everyone forgot my birthday *sniff*.
I long to be back in Barna, even if I do have to live in the same house as Enzo. Ah estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-54575272001-09-03T10:47:00.000-07:002001-09-03T10:47:43.736-07:00I'm so cool.
I love PJ Harvey. She's the definition of riot grrrl.
And I get to be her! Hahahah!
Ok. I go eat now.estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-54276532001-09-01T13:52:00.000-07:002001-09-01T14:03:01.000-07:00I have returned from Barna with the story of a lifetime.
It will make even the most liberal person cringe.
You see... I lived 3 days of hell. 3 days with a crazy, sex crazed drug fiend controlling my life because he had my money I wanted it back.
Then the others came back from vacation, and I found solace in Wendy, Pietro and Pulpi. They helped me to escape the evil italian ládron .
Yesterday estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-53454112001-08-28T11:14:00.000-07:002001-08-28T11:14:51.820-07:00Whaou.
What a weird, strange, trip it's been.
So I'm getting money from Dad so that I can haul ass back to Paris and somehow leave the squatt, even though, somehow, I know I don't want to... all italians exempted, mwuahahaha..
Anyway. I've gotta find a train back to France soon, and most of them are booked..
I will miss Barna, how I will miss it here, but I won't miss people taking my money!
Gotestrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-52922592001-08-25T10:51:00.000-07:002001-08-25T10:51:18.716-07:00I love Barcelona. I really do. I feel like I could live here. Like I could belong here.
But there´s a mother fucker named Enzo who is making all of this impossible.
No, I don't need your permission to leave the house, and if I feel like sleeping instead of watching you get so fucking high you forget who I am, then I will sleep.
The pitiful ¨Cat-rrrrrin, perdona, muchas drogas, tia, muchas drogas,estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-52550992001-08-23T10:13:00.000-07:002001-08-23T10:13:06.506-07:00This is what I replied to my mother.
And this is my reply to the world.
Mom.
I thought about your e-mail all night last night, and all day today.
It touched me. And I thought about Sarah's e-mail, and Adrian's and Ri's.
And all of these e.mails are true. They justify my hopes and fears. I enjoy doing drugs, too much, I like partying, too much, and it´s damaging me. Not me, really, because I don´estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-52374632001-08-22T12:46:00.000-07:002001-08-22T12:46:42.070-07:00I am officially out of money: I have 10 000 pesetas and this is not enough to get me back to France.
I live in a squatt with Italians and Catalans. I now can say Jesus Fucking Christ in four languages.
Whoopdedoo. What a feat.
But I digress.
The latest e-mail in my inbox (I know you all love reading my personal mail) that deals with my supposed
character flaws and qualities comes from my mother.estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-51960532001-08-20T11:47:00.000-07:002001-08-20T11:47:20.823-07:00After being confronted by people I'd been vacationing with, I received this in my inbox as a birthday letter.
Just imagine how happy I was to read this...
DATE 15 August 2001 00:33:22
FROM discord@meeow.co.uk
TO catastrophe@eurotrash.co.uk
SUBJECT Re: Birthday goil
MESSAGE
Catherine,
Happy birthday =) I wrote you a birthday letter, but as I have yet to send it (I admit, I am still estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-51763232001-08-19T09:30:00.000-07:002001-08-19T09:30:57.653-07:00Every person I wanted to see again in Barcelona has reappeared, all except for one... and everyone here knows me as his friend, and he is not here... it saddens me to a certain extent, because I wanted to thank him for opening my eyes.. alas, he has returned to a warm bed, a fridge full of food and a good home.
I love it here.
I don´t ever want to leave again. I can´t possibly bear to live away estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-50654582001-08-13T09:59:00.000-07:002001-08-13T09:59:48.873-07:00Have been in Barcelona for four days now, and it seems like I«ve been here forever.
I have completely lost my notion of time and have stopped wearing a watch. Maybe that«s why.
I ran into a guy I worked with in China in Port Vell a couple days ago, and then ran into an old friend, Enzo. I've mostly been hanging out with him and his little posse of squatters, partying every now and then.
My estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-50158282001-08-10T07:24:00.000-07:002001-08-10T07:24:52.950-07:00Happy Birthday to me (belated, it was yesterday).
I arrived in Barcelona yesterday. Trippy is the same, and the people are as beautiful as ever.
Happy Birthday Sarah (today).
.. and on a completely different topic.. I got this in my inbox today.
Cat: Happy Birthday Girl - You are blossoming. Love it.
I read your blog today to see how your life is.
I completely understand letting go and estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-49790272001-08-08T10:19:00.000-07:002001-08-08T10:19:36.466-07:00I leave for Barcelona in 2 hours and 54 minutes. I will be celebrating 17 years on this planet as of 12:50 a.m., alone on a night train.
Alone on my birthday, hmm. Most people wouldn't want that for their birthdays.. however, a little bit of downtime with myself to put things in order and make personal resolutions for myself will be a good thing.
I only hope this year things will be better than estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-49188852001-08-05T06:14:00.000-07:002001-08-05T06:14:36.530-07:00As much as I can whine and complain about anything and everything, it must be said, I don't mind being me so much anymore.
I have friends that I can count on (I hope), a great family (anyone who knows me will tell you that I consider my cousins to be my big brothers and I love them to death), a nice apartment that we don't have to pay for (God save the Queen!) and I get around quite a bit as wellestrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-46076102001-07-18T15:09:00.000-07:002001-07-18T15:09:19.293-07:00Have not blogged in a long time. I figure I should, just because, and
so many things are flying throught my brain that I will blog it all at
once, out of lack of better things to do.
Back in Paris, although it hasn't really hit me yet, possibly because
I've hardly slept, or maybe because I never fully grasp this place.
It is a city where you can be as alone as in the desert, and as loved
as estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-43850332001-07-04T20:52:00.000-07:002001-07-04T20:52:30.800-07:00Wow.
That's.. the best way to describe the events of Saturday night. I will write it all out in excruciating detail, as best and as accurately
as possible, so that the few readers out there can understand how amazing and unique this experience was..
The bus was leaving Beijing at 4:30, and the crowd of people standing around outside Havana's was interesting looking: Chinese punks, skatekids, estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-43502742001-07-02T17:28:00.000-07:002001-07-02T17:28:05.686-07:00Nothing I have ever seen can compare to the scene that I witnessed on Saturday night.
If you watched French television, you probably saw scenes of it on the news or on Tracks... but if not, you have no idea what I'm talking about.
I managed to do something that I never dreamed I'd ever do...
Ladies and gents, I danced on the Great Wall of China for 12 hours.
It was beautiful. The atmosphere was..estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-42749362001-06-27T17:16:00.000-07:002001-06-27T17:16:49.626-07:00Ri,
I am writing this here and not in an e-mail because I think everyone deserves
to know about you. You are one of those rare people that few people know about.
If I say this, it is because.. well.. I have rarely met anyone who has had
such an impact and influence on my life. You have touched me, deeply, and
you deserve to know how much I appreciate it.
When I met you, I was confused. I was estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-42587822001-06-26T18:51:00.000-07:002001-06-26T18:51:11.146-07:00Right now... I'm sitting at my desk, it's Wednesday morning, 9:30... I'm so dreadfully tired, I should not have gone out to Sanlitun South last night, even though I got to bang a bit on the djumbe, which got some aggression out and made my nostalgia for Paris seem less evident. Either way... I would like to get out of China right now. It's not that I don't like it here.. it's just that.. well.. Iestrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-42581352001-06-26T17:57:00.000-07:002001-06-26T17:57:39.786-07:00Sometimes... the void is still there.. it's the same void, the one that eats away and tears me into pieces; the one that hurts so much yet makes me feel nothing.. the one that makes me crave something more worthwhile, more fufilling.
It's that same void that keeps me up at night, wondering how I got here, why I'm here, and especially, where all this is taking me.
I lay in bed, half awake and halfestrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-42171882001-06-24T06:24:00.000-07:002001-06-24T06:24:56.266-07:00I've been in Beijing for 3 weeks now, and I still have 3 weeks to go. It's not so bad.. It's an interesting city. One moment, you're walking along an impeccably clean, modern street and the next, you're wandering around hutong streets, dodging bicycle carts stocked full of food.. you go from new to old, traditional and modern, dirty to clean, crumbling to construction... it's a city full of estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-39161032001-06-03T21:52:00.000-07:002001-06-03T21:52:21.293-07:00F-f-f-fuck. My post has been deleted. Got to start again.
I passed my exams, I passed into Lit. The impossible has been proved possible and now I can tell everyone who said that I wouldn't succeed that I did, I'm not such a fuck up after all.. In 5 weeks I managed to do what I was incapable of doing after a year. I kick ass.
And now I'm in Beijing, working at the Embassy, filing things and estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-37126322001-05-20T03:53:00.000-07:002001-05-20T03:53:26.843-07:00The sun has returned.. it has been 4 glorious days of sun, and nice weather, and sometimes really hot weather.. nonetheless, people seem happier, and I think we all needed a vacation from the rain.
If only I had a vacation from my exams.
I shouldn't complain: I have, technically, 2 and a half weeks left. And no exams after the 31st. BUT. Until then, I have 5 exams, 2 of which are life-threateningestrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-35644572001-05-09T10:51:00.001-07:002001-05-09T10:48:32.496-07:00I am tired. Oh so very tired. I wish I hadn't accepted this stupid offer. My body will never forgive me for this: waking up at 6:30, 9 hour days, getting home at 7:00, eating, working, bed around 1 or 2 am. Gah. Well I guess I'm the only one to blame, really... if I had spent more time studying instead of fucking around and smoking dope, well, I wouldn't be in this position.Still. I can't help estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-35644532001-05-09T10:51:00.000-07:002001-05-09T10:48:08.856-07:00I am tired. Oh so very tired. I wish I hadn't accepted this stupid offer. My body will never forgive me for this: waking up at 6:30, 9 hour days, getting home at 7:00, eating, working, bed around 1 or 2 am. Gah. Well I guess I'm the only one to blame, really... if I had spent more time studying instead of fucking around and smoking dope, well, I wouldn't be in this position.Still. I can't help estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-33162192001-04-22T07:54:00.000-07:002001-04-22T07:54:46.963-07:00"There's something romantic about Spain... I don't know exactly what it is, but if you're going to fall in love anywhere, tía, it might as well be in Barcelona."I met an Englishman in Barcelona who told me this, and his words are true. There really is something romantic about Spain, especially Barcelona. The city is so old and full of life, not only is there art in the many museums, but the cityestrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-32255252001-04-16T09:17:00.000-07:002001-04-16T09:20:12.330-07:00Instead of Russia (cold, bleargh), I fled down to Valencia in Spain for a few days. Now, I´m in Barcelona, sipping free coffee in a free internet cafe... what more could I have asked for?I head back to Paris on Sunday, and pick up where I left off in school. No joy for me....estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-29429542001-03-26T12:12:00.000-08:002001-03-26T12:27:25.840-08:00Oh and before I forget. Happy Birthday, Malaika!estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-29429512001-03-26T12:11:00.000-08:002001-03-26T12:27:04.420-08:00For future reference, if you're going to invite me to a party, make sure everyone there actually doesn't mind my being there, and make sure I don't get asked to leave. I don't like that. At all.As I've said before, I'll miss some of you. The rest of you can all rot in hell for all I care. I don't need to waste my time here anymore.I don't need to waste my time period. Especially on superficial estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-29188002001-03-24T14:20:00.000-08:002001-03-24T14:35:11.203-08:00So. In less than a week, I will be in Paris again. For good, I am not yet certain, but for a little while at least.I am going to miss Ottawa... the snow is melting, winter is slowly creeping away, the sun has returned from a long vacation and the city seems alive again.. Yeah, I'll miss this place. I'll miss the barren nothingness, the rambling idiots and the sleeping drunkards.. However... I'll estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-28781282001-03-21T15:17:00.000-08:002001-03-21T15:18:39.776-08:00"Dire que tout n'est qu'un rite de passage n'est rien de plus qu'un euphorisme pour une generation de perdus."Dans l'air legerement rechaufee, il y a une odeur amere. Une odeur de dechirement, de deception, de vengeance. Rien ne l'empeche, rien ne l'empire, rien ne le repare; l'odeur y reste, emportee par le vent du printemps, vers des cieux plus beaux, plus frais, moins corrumpus. Je suis estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-27821452001-03-14T17:23:00.000-08:002001-03-14T17:36:07.720-08:00Need to find some roommates for a beautiful house in Hull... wow. I'm in love.Quote of the blog: "Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all run around in a darkened room munching pills and listening to repetitive music." ... just a thought?estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-26181312001-03-03T14:13:00.000-08:002001-03-03T14:23:31.420-08:00Nous sommes en des temps infamesOu le mariage des amesDoit sceller l'union des coeurs;A cette heure d'affreux oragesCe n'est pas trop de deux couragesPour vivre sous de tels vainqueurs.En face de ce que l'on oseIl nous sierait, sur toute choseDe nous dresser, couple raviDans l'extase austere du justeEn proclamant d'un geste augusteNotre anour fier, comme un defiMais quel besoin de te le dire?Toi estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-25513492001-02-27T01:17:00.000-08:002001-03-01T11:40:14.060-08:00So many faces, so many places, parties, clubs, hot dancers and easy drunks; so many lost lives and hollow eyes, shadowy faces, sick, sad looking faces, and some happy, but never deeply, never truly. The world in which I live is not a very happy one, it is not one filled with glamour and style, with beautiful people and luxurious facades. No, it is a very lonely place, where all that is left are estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-24440152001-02-19T17:06:00.000-08:002001-02-19T17:13:58.246-08:00I finally got in touch with my father. The best thing for me is to start over, but correctly this time. I have nothing productive going for me over here. I have a destructive social life, innumerable bad habits, no job, no school, no future.Partying is fun, but I need to move on with my life. So I'm going back to Europe to study, to build something, to clean up my life. I feel a tinge of guilt. Iestrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-24070712001-02-16T18:43:00.000-08:002001-02-16T18:50:19.426-08:00I love my mother. Really, I do. I just wish it weren't so hard to love her. She does things, she says things, that should make me want to hate her, not want to speak to her and forget about her. But I can't. She's my mother, I love her, I need her. She refuses to see it, refuses to accept it, doesn't adknowledge me, doesn't seem to want to care.She worries about me... yet she does nothing to helpestrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-23084132001-02-09T08:27:00.000-08:002001-02-09T12:16:43.806-08:00cold and forever, like a sombre eternitythe frostbitten lips carrying the rolling salivatouching the penetration (virginity)the holy trinity.. circles...squares...connected at the breakdownold and candid, the moon will eventually die out,it's light will fade and crumble into the night...into the windowsinto the dreamsinto the livesof good little boys and girls worldwide...but, let it not be estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-23081722001-02-09T08:02:00.000-08:002001-02-09T08:07:43.500-08:00I miss sanity, I miss sleep, I miss myself.I just want to run away... go somewhere more worthwhile than this place. Somewhere more meaningful than drunken binges, cracked out all nighters and pleasures of tainted flesh. I want to escape somewhere, niched in a corner lost within the depths of my imagination, buried deep in my mind. I would like to curl up within infinity and watch the planes of estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-22529472001-02-05T07:55:00.000-08:002001-02-05T08:05:11.063-08:00**posted on the messageboard.**"Oh, how I love my mistakes, my errors. People often talk of regret.. why regret? Mistakes are there for teaching, why not learn instead of mourn? I do indeed hold my mistakes true to heart, as many as I have made, and learn from them everyday. I love them as I love my memories, for often that is all that remains. I sometimes wish I could forget some, but just one Iestrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-20244132001-01-18T11:28:00.000-08:002001-01-18T11:28:59.493-08:00Found a computer down at the friendly neighbourhood Agora. Yay. I can't access my e-mail, boo!My roommate, although I love him to death, is driving me crazy. He's a slob and he doesn't do ANYTHING. He doesn't have a job. He doesn't clean. He has no money AT all.It's annoying, especially since the January rent cheque bounced, and I doubt we'll even be able to make Feb.'s rent.In other words, I am estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-19344932001-01-11T13:12:00.000-08:002001-01-11T13:12:08.626-08:00I'm moving out today. This could be the last blog for a very long time, as I will no longer have permanent computer access, let alone internet access. It's sad, but alas, it's life.Paris was fun. I hopped a train to Normandy with Julia for New Year's. It was quite interesting, I can say that much. I miss Europe. I can't wait to go back for university, if I ever get to university...It's been fun estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-17571822000-12-24T03:14:00.000-08:002000-12-24T03:14:06.713-08:00I'm heading down south to Marseille tonight, to see the family as tomorrow is Christmas. I just hope I don't give my grandmother a heart attack when she sees my hair. I've really had time to look through things here, and it's also helping me to figure out what I want to do with my life now. I think more cleansing shall ensue, and more people shall disappear from my life. It's sad, but I have to estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-17571462000-12-24T03:00:00.000-08:002000-12-24T03:00:59.526-08:00*this little blip of blog is from December 19*I may not belong to this world anymore, but my god is it ever fun...I've just been drifting around, really. Hopping around from my old school to people's places, cafes, and just random other areas. It's fun... I can see the people I saw on a regular basis and the people I'd see once in a blue moon at the same time, just because I'm in town for a shortestrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-16897352000-12-17T09:00:00.000-08:002000-12-17T09:00:27.580-08:00I arrived in Paris Friday morning, following a rather long and hectic trip. There was a snow storm so the planes were delayed, so I had to change flights a few times, transfer tickets, and whatnot, which got me stuck in Ottawa Airport for 4 hours instead of 2. Then, I had to run across Dorval to get to my connexion, which was on the verge of leaving. By the time I reached Paris, I was exhausted (estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-16583642000-12-14T02:08:00.000-08:002000-12-14T02:08:04.050-08:00I'm leaving for Paris in 13 hours. Up until very recently, I was scared. I was looking forward to it, yes, but I was petrified of what could come out of this three week trip. Now, that fear has vanished. I am ready.I spent Tuesday night locked in James' bedroom, where we debated and conversed all night, about illusions, the world, and all other topics that ended up bashing into eachother and estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-16340632000-12-11T20:10:00.000-08:002000-12-11T20:10:06.590-08:00I have become addicted to message boards, particularly chic or shriek and clockwork juggernaut. It is fun. yay!Tiarnach is a bonehead. You hear me? A BONEHEAD! "You never showed up, I waited a half hour for you!". Yeah, well for starters, I would have shown up If I had known for certain that I was meeting you. You never responded to my e-mail, so I didn't know where to meet you nor when. estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-16210492000-12-10T16:52:00.000-08:002000-12-10T16:52:21.963-08:00Pleasantville. A utopia. A place where nothing ever changes and people are always smiling, everything is at the same time, there is no war, no rain, no destruction, no pain. Then, these two kids magically find themselves trapped in this make believe utopian world, and it will never be the same. I love this movie. I have seen it many times, and everytime I see it I find new meanings to it. Some estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-16157572000-12-10T02:25:00.000-08:002000-12-10T02:25:48.290-08:00Goddamn alarm went off and woke me up. GRRR. I'd finally managed to get to sleep at a decent hour, and now I can't get back to sleep. It's almost as if my body doesn't want to rest. It's annoying and it's exhausting, after a while.Comment on the previous blog. There are quite a few that I can actually relate to, should I be afraid? It's bad enough that I have to run away from that whole "goth" estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-16124782000-12-09T17:40:00.000-08:002000-12-09T17:40:34.906-08:00I thought this was cute, and felt the urge to put it up.Also, Adrian wanted it, so I told him to check it out here. =0)You know you're a raver when you...**taken from Techno XVI post*can perfectly understand and have amazing conversations with anyone under the age of ten. *know where the best toy stores are. *get the most mileage out of your sneakers. The toes and heels always curl because they estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-16119292000-12-09T16:15:00.000-08:002000-12-09T16:15:59.910-08:00My kitten is back home, she is curled up on my lap in a position that must be anything but comfortable. Of course, she has an enormous scar on her belly and no claws left, so obviously she can't rest in a normal position, it hurts her too much. =0( Poor Serendipity!I have found a new love: Trance music. I like it. I like it a lot. It's more than addictive, it is quite simply orgasmic.I despise estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-16057542000-12-08T21:22:00.000-08:002000-12-08T21:22:20.160-08:00Sarah invited me out to dinner as a christmas present type thing. It was wonderful. Thank you again. =0) God I love Indian food... Tiarnach never showed for coffee. Boo Tiarnach! You are not a nice person!Winter has arrived. At first, I was overjoyed: snow, pretty landscapes and an excuse to drink coffee and hot chocolate. Then, I realized how cold it was.To be honest, I prefer the month that estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-15973852000-12-08T02:59:00.000-08:002000-12-08T02:59:12.430-08:00Still messaging with Ari. Got into strange conversation that led up to something that still stings: my ex. But I will avoid that. (See quote of the blog.)I have the urge to blog. Blog in... start blogging... and to eventually blog out. But not in English, you see, which is somewhat of a problem, as I have yet to create my French blog.*shrug* What a poor excuse.Thought: Existence is worthless. I estrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1595663.post-15966842000-12-08T00:08:00.000-08:002000-12-08T00:08:01.416-08:00*sigh*I am without my beloved Serendipity, my baby girl, my sweet little kitten. She is sitting somewhere in a metal cage in a darkened room, maybe with other animals, maybe without. I know she is curled up on my pillowcase because it has a familiar scent, because it will make it easier on her. I can almost hear her meowing for me, but then I remember that she is not here, not curled up on my lapestrella errantehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796674275073284604noreply@blogger.com